Turning Goblins On Their Head
A few months back when all of bluesky was giving their goblin takes, I read a blog about how goblins are weird little guys who live in dungeons and refuse to be normal about it which resonated with me because I work at an elementary school with a sprawling dungeon-like floor plan, literally filled with weird little guys who refuse to be normal about anything
This inspired me to come up with my own GOBLIN LORE
COMMON FOLKLORE:
Common folk often tell stories of goblins with faces that are stuck in an eerie grin, walking with an unnatural gate, or worse crawling on the ceiling! Their stories often center on themes of hunger or greed; tunneling into a lord’s cellar to steal heavy bags of gold, luring goats into caves, etc.
UNCOMMON FACT:
Learned folk know that goblins are a diasporic Fae culture, who exclusively live underground. Some scholars theorize that goblins fear the sunlight.
SECRET KNOWLEDGE:
Known only to the fae folk and like one untrustworthy conspiracy theorist, goblins have the unfortunate fae quirk of experiencing gravity…. spɹɐʍʞɔɐq
Goblins live underground because they will literally fall into the sky if they leave the safety of a strong ceiling! In the human world, goblins live in caves, but will often tunnel into dungeons or sewers in search for resources. (Besides bats, there isn’t much food found on cave ceilings)
Goblins are naturally tall and agile, with drooping dog-like jowls and long floppy ears. Out of necessity, goblins will strap heavy objects to their backs and feet as a counter weight so they can explore the floor space. When geared up (from a humans perspective) goblins walk like a hunched over deep sea diver, fighting against the weight of their suit and their natural buoyancy.
Effectively hanging upside down, their floppy ears and jowls raise to the ceiling, creating what is often mistaken for an unnerving smile and a cartoonish silhouette where their ears rise like horns.
The goblins who lack the bravery and violent tendencies required to be an “explorer” stay in their goblin villages, which sprawl the high ceilings of large cave chambers. Though goblins naturally experience gravity backwards, that is not true for anything else in the human world. Neurotic goblin shamans constantly wander their villages muttering the same levitation spell over and over again, making sure not to miss a single object (the spell only lasts a few hours)
GAME DESIGN
- Make two stat blocks for goblin explorers: “Geared Up” and “Naked”
GOBLIN EXPLORER (GEARED UP):
on the ground, slow, armored
Goblin explorers seek out sacks of heavy gold as an efficient way to weigh themselves down. The chances of looting gold from a goblin explorer is high.
Allow players to interact with the explorers gear. A player could cut free its backpack, sending the goblin falling upwards to its death on a high ceiling.
Reversely, in hallway with a normal ceiling, a slow moving explorer can cut free their own gear, allowing them to sprint full speed on the ceiling!
GOBLIN EXPLORER (NAKED):
on the ceiling, fast, vulnerable
GOBLIN SHAMANS:
neurotic, preoccupied, cowardly
Players can learn the levitation spell muttered by the Goblin Shamans. The spell uncontrollably reverses gravity on non-living objects for a few hours.
The shamans act as a “dead man’s switch” for the village. If they are killed, or otherwise prevented from constantly renewing the spell, the whole village will crash to the ground! (in a few hours)
Anywho, I don’t know how to end this blog… Let me know what you think!